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Hello, dear reader,

In the previous article, I spoke about authenticity—about the importance of recognizing who we are beyond other people’s expectations, and about the courage required to live according to our values.

However, there is an important difference between knowing who we are and having the courage to live as who we are.

And this is precisely where an even deeper part of this self-discovery journey begins—a journey that, in my view, forms the foundation of everything in life.

Throughout my work as a therapist, I have accompanied people who, despite having an apparently “successful” life, carry inside themselves a feeling that is hard to explain: the sensation of not truly living their own life.

At times, they have the job, the family, the status, or the stability they always wished for. Yet, when they pause to look within, a silent question arises:

“Is this life I am living truly mine?”

This question can be uncomfortable. But it can also be remarkably transformative!

Being True to Yourself Does Not Mean Doing Whatever You Want

When we talk about living our “truest self,” there is a risk of confusing authenticity with simply doing whatever takes our fancy.

As mentioned in the previous article, being authentic does not mean acting impulsively, ignoring responsibilities, or disregarding other people’s feelings.

Instead, it means developing the ability to recognize what we think, feel, value, and desire, and using that as a foundation to make choices aligned with that awareness.

Authenticity requires maturity.

Sometimes, being true to ourselves means saying “yes.” In other situations, it means saying “no.”

It can mean changing paths, homes, or relationships; setting boundaries; letting go of an expectation that no longer represents who we are; or simply admitting: “This no longer makes sense to me.”

And it isn’t always easy.

The Price of Living to Constantly Please Others

Many people spend a large part of their lives trying to measure up.

They fulfill the expectations of family, friends, society, professional environments, and nowadays, even the images of success they encounter daily on social media.

Gradually, we start asking:

“What will they think of me?”

“Will they approve of my lifestyle?”

“What if I disappoint someone?”

“What if I fail?”

When these questions begin to guide too many of our decisions, we run the risk of forgetting to ask:

“What is truly important to me?”

This is the point where we can start drifting away from ourselves.

It doesn’t necessarily happen dramatically. It often occurs through small choices repeated daily:

• A “yes” when we wanted to say “no.”
• An opinion left unsaid to avoid conflict.
• A dream postponed because it seems unrealistic in the eyes of others.
• A boundary left unset so as not to disappoint someone.
• A career maintained simply because it represents security, even when we no longer find meaning in it.

Individually, these may seem like minor things. Over time, however, they can create a significant distance between the life we live and the person we feel we truly are.

The Courage to Choose from the Inside Out

Living more authentically implies making choices from the inside out, rather than just from the outside in.

In other words, instead of constantly asking:

• “What do they expect of me?”

We begin to ask:

• “Is this aligned with my values?”

This shift sounds simple, but it can profoundly transform our relationship with ourselves.

In clinical practice, I often see how certain individuals have learned to be excellent at caring for others, solving problems, meeting expectations, and keeping everything under control—yet they never truly learned to listen to or care for themselves.

And listening to oneself is a skill.

It requires creating internal space to perceive what we are feeling, recognize our needs, and distinguish between what we genuinely want and what we were taught we should want.

Authenticity Also Demands Boundaries

One of the most concrete manifestations of an authentic life is the ability to set healthy boundaries.

Boundaries are not walls.

They are ways of communicating what we can offer, what we cannot accept, and what we need in order to preserve our emotional balance.

Many people feel guilty when they begin establishing boundaries—especially if they have spent most of their lives seeking approval.

However, saying “no” to something that causes us harm can be a way of saying “yes” to our emotional well-being.

Likewise, stepping away from certain relationships, environments, or patterns does not necessarily mean a lack of love or consideration.

Sometimes, it simply means acknowledging that not everything we are capable of enduring is something we should continue to endure.

The True Self Is Also a Work in Progress

There is another aspect I consider essential: our authentic self is not a fixed identity.

We change.

Experiences transform us. Relationships teach us. Losses mature us. Challenges reveal abilities we never knew we had. And what made sense to us ten years ago may no longer make sense today.

Therefore, living authentically does not mean finding a final, definitive version of ourselves.

It means remaining willing to keep getting to know ourselves.

It means allowing ourselves to change without feeling as though we are betraying who we used to be.

It is acknowledging:

“I can honor the person I was without remaining trapped by them.”

For me, this is one of the most beautiful aspects of personal growth and self-discovery.

When We Stop Seeking Approval and Start Seeking Coherence

An authentic life is not necessarily a life without difficulties.

We will continue to face criticism, rejection, uncertainty, losses, and moments where we won’t know exactly what to do.

The difference lies in how we position ourselves in front of these experiences.

When we stop placing other people’s approval at the center of our decisions, we begin seeking something deeper: inner coherence.

Thinking, feeling, choosing, and acting in a way that is increasingly aligned.

It is this coherence that brings a greater sense of integrity and inner peace.

And perhaps that is one of the greatest gifts of living authentically: no longer needing to constantly play a character just to be accepted.

We can simply BE.

An Exercise in Self-Honesty

I invite you now to take a brief pause.

Think about your current life—your work, relationships, family, and the choices you have been making.

And ask yourself:

“Where am I living true to myself, and where am I merely fulfilling the expectations of others?”

You don’t need to find all the answers today.

You only need to begin observing.

Because transformation doesn’t always start with a grand decision.

Often, it begins with a small moment of awareness.

And from that awareness, we can start making different choices.

Living Your Truest Self

Perhaps living authentically isn’t about becoming a completely different person.

Perhaps it is precisely about shedding some of the layers we built up to be accepted, protected, or recognized, until we can hear our own voice once again.

It is a process that requires awareness, courage, compassion, and, very often, patience.

And we don’t have to get it right all the time.

I personally believe that living authentically is a daily practice. There are moments when we manage to be deeply aligned with ourselves, and others when we fall back into seeking approval, doubting, or temporarily straying from what we know is important.

The essential thing is being able to return.

To return to ourselves.

To return to our values.

To return to what truly matters.

Because in the end, perhaps the most important question isn’t:

“Do others like the person I am?”

But rather:

“Is the person I am becoming someone I can live in peace with?”

And that answer deserves to be discovered with honesty.

Conclusion

To close this article, I would like to leave you with the following reflections:

1. In which areas of your life do you feel you are truly being yourself—and in which areas do you still feel the need to conform to others’ expectations?
2. What boundaries do you need to establish, or what choices do you need to make, to live more coherently with your values?
3. If you were to start today living more aligned with what you truly feel, value, and believe, what would have to change in your life?

Perhaps the answers to these questions will lead us to another, even deeper question: What stops us from changing, even when we already know we need to change?

That is what we will explore in the next article.

Until then, keep looking within. Sometimes, the answer we are searching for begins with what we finally have the courage to hear inside ourselves.

See you soon!